Sweet Sunlight Style: My Outlook on "Health"

Let me start off by first apologizing, I have a lot of thoughts rolling through my mind as I'm writing today. And second, by saying I am slightly freaking out by posting these photos. Mostly because once I hit "publish" these pictures will forever be out in the world and this part of my life is not something I can say I'm particularly proud of or even that I like excepting this piece of me. But I'm doing it in the hopes of overcoming my fear, and helping those that are reading. I really hope this post makes sense and doesn't come off as "oh, boo hoo!" because that is not the point at all.

Ok, I wanted to do a little Health post because health is a HUGE part of my life (hence the photos and I'll get to those soon). But I'm not a dietitian and it's not my true passion. But I have a great friend, Karina Powell, who LOVES fitness and has tons of great tips, and my sister is writing on her blog on her journey to losing weight and getting fit as well, which I love. Both of these blogs are helpful and motivating. Go check them out!

But, yes, health is a big part of my life. (I could only find a few pictures of me when I was younger) When I was in grade school-mid school I was FAT! There really is no way around it. I weigh 130 in grade school and a whopping 150 in mid school! But I wasn't like a couch potato. I ran with my mom and I was always involved in some type of sport, that is just how I was built I suppose. My family would always say, "It's baby weight you'll lose it soon enough." Although, my thought was always, "man baby weight sure likes to stick around." I really had a great family support and they loved me just the way I was.

But on the social/school side of things, life wasn't so easy. Some of the boys would call me chunk, some called me miss piggy- because I wore a baby pink shirt to school one day :( yes, I know, sad. In mid school I even had teachers tell me I was fat. Yes, grown men, that probably should not be teaching at all, would inform me that I was chunky.

So you can imagine this little ego getting ripped apart and I started thinking, "Man, I really am fat" (which, I know I admitted to earlier but come on should anyone ever feel that way? I think not.)

I knew my family loved me, and luckily I had a few great friends (and when I say great, I really mean fabulous, beyond belief grateful for, amazingly wonderful, friends) but I had this thought that if I wanted to be worth while or special to anyone then I would have to be skinny. That was the only way people would truly enjoy me as a person.

So, yes, most of it was "baby weight" and when I hit high school I started to thin out a bit. But I was still a lot "bigger" than my close friends (now I'm speaking from the prospective of a teenage girl, whom, as a whole, always compares themselves to others. Is that safe to say, that teenage girls compare themselves to others? I think so. Or maybe I just don't have any other view on it. And i don't think we ever really grown out of it.) Either way, I decided to take matters into my own hands, if I wanted to be skinny, worth while or important, I would do something about it. But of course young minded me, I wanted results right then. So I lost the weight, but I didn't do it correctly. Luckily my sister was always watching out for me and caught my bad habits before I could hurt myself or make myself really sick.

So the purpose of this "story" ,if you will, is to say, I've been there. I'm the chubby girl that has, and always will, struggle with her weight. I've done the un-healthy eating (or not eating) I've looked at myself in the mirror at 30 lbs lighter, bones sticking out everywhere and wishing I could still be skinnier. But thats NOT HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!!

I can't stress that enough! It's not healthy and it makes me so angry that I did that to myself. That I allowed myself to think that because I wasn't a certain weight or size that I wasn't worth while. That I listened to all the mean things people had to say instead of leaning on the great, uplifting words my family and friends told me all the time.

It's crazy that even still, ten years later (i'm going off from the time that I started being unhealthy) this little voice inside me says, "just a few more pounds, just a little more skinny". But I can honestly say that all of this has helped me grow and see myself as a beautiful person just the way I am.

I'm not a size 2, nor do I think I ever will be. I just don't think that is where my body is comfortable. But I'm a size "me" and for now I'm happy with that.

I do believe that your body has a weight that it wants to be, where isn't comfortable and healthy. Where you can eat a cookie and not feel like your going to pass out (sugar high) or eat a cookie without working out right after or just going without enjoying the dang cookie.

I'm hoping that by sharing this I've inspired others to be healthy. Skinny isn't always healthy. Being a certain size doesn't make you more beautiful. Being YOU make you beautiful. my heart goes out to those that have had (or are having) these same feelings and struggles. But please, please know that you are so worth while and important and BEAUTIFUL because you are you and this body you have, if it's a size lean or a size fabulous, it's the only one you get! So love it! And love you for who you are.

My journey to a healthy body weight has been a really long one! And I feel like I still have a bit to go. I have a goal to be a healthy size 6 (Darn your Christmas and Thanksgiving!) But last year I was an unhealthy size 12! (notice how I said unhealthy? Size 12 can be healthy but for me it wasn't) since then I have lost 20 lbs and two pant sizes (size 8). I work out because it makes me happy and I feel better about myself through out the day. I eat healthy so that I can feel my body grow strong and also so I can enjoy my "cheats".

The last thought I have is whatever you choose to do in your life, make sure the first reason your doing it is for YOU.

Here are some recipes that I really really enjoy

Chicken soup:

2 boxes organic Chick broth

1 lb cooked chicken breast

2 carrots

1 bell pepper

1/2 onion

1 jalapeno

sautee veggies add salt and pepper to taste

cut up chicken and add. Season with paprika and garlic

add broth. Cook and serve