Did you guys know that there is a whole week dedicated to Infertility? April 19-25 is dedicated to Infertility, in all it's forms, and bringing light to the struggle we face. It seems more and more women (and men) struggle with something that keeps them from starting a family. So it is wonderful to me that there is a whole week dedicated to the cause.
I really can't express the heartache I have felt as my husband and I walk this seemingly never-ending, up-hill path. Infertility is really hard in a way that no one can really expect. It's a heartache that is reiterated every month, every time you see a new baby, every time a baby is announced, every sweet family that you see walking at the park. It's a feeling of 100 pound weights sitting on your chest and you just want to burst into a million pieces. You don't want to think about this scar that you have but somehow in someway it is always thrown in your face, or so it seems.
I have for sure felt those moments of wanting to give up or give in. Almost 4 YEARS of trying has been a long time to wait for me, but through all the heartbreak there has been one thing that has really pulled me through. And that is the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
A few months back I thought for sure we were pregnant and when aunt flo came to visit it was the most heavy hearted I have ever felt. I sobbed (really bellowed) harder than I have ever in my life. Then a few months after that we started Clomid, which all around hasn't been too hard on me or my body, but the second round didn't even work. I'm talking like it would have been the same if I hadn't even taken the meds that month. My Dr. was baffled. He had no idea why it hadn't worked, everything seemed to be going so well. No explanation, just, "lets try again next month." I can remember these two moment vividly. Not because they were the hardest moments (I actually don't have enough appendages to count how many "hardest moments" we have had) but because I felt the Lord's loving embrace. Through the deep sorrow there was a reminder that everything was going to work out. A feeling of love and hope. These are not feelings I could have produced on my own, when I am sad I like to sulk. No, these were feelings given to me by Christ through the Holy Sprit. It was up lifting and happy when I wanted to be sad. These are the feelings that help me get through the every day.
Through family and friends (and I tell you what, I have been blessed with great family and friends.) my husband and sweet people that have struggled with infertility themselves, I feel the love the Savior has for me. He has never left me alone through this trial, and I have felt that to be true.
In a talk given by Jeffery R. Holland, member of the 12, I have found the most hope and the most pure love of the Savior. It is titled "
Good things to Come". This talk has become so near to my heart, I listen to it whenever I feel I am losing faith. And I think it can be applied to any trial you face in life. Just keep the faith. Good things will come.
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